I was having lunch with a co-worker and her friend when her friend suddenly announced that she was looking for a new man, one who “could bring home the bacon.” As she continued with her “a good man is hard to find diatribe,” I realized that this woman wanted a lot in a man, but from what I could tell, she didn’t really have much to offer this ubermate in return. She smokes like a chimney, screams like a banshee when she is angry, and has a hard time staying faithful to the man she “loves.” She’s nobody’s prize, yet her expectations for her men were enormous. This got me thinking: Do women think about their own worth when they proclaim what they want in a man?
There is an old saying that when you pick a mate you need to be equally yoked. If you are successful, you need someone who is successful. If you’re a Christian, you don’t want to marry an atheist. If you’re a high school dropout who lives on welfare well…you get the picture. So, why do so many women seem to think that they can expect so much when they offer so little? Let’s face it ladies, when an unkempt, bus riding, unemployed male asks for the digits we’re insulted, even if we are sitting on the bus right next to him.
Finding a man worthy of your time is hard, I know, believe me I know, but when we start listing off the qualification that we want in a man maybe we need to count how many things on the list we have. I’m guilty of this too. My dream man was always a rich doctor or a lawyer with the looks of a model and the personality of a saint, yet for years I was happy with my B.A. and was struggling to find stable employment. I was battling the bulge and I was taking snarkiness to a whole new level. It wasn’t until I took a hard look at myself, and was honest about where I was in life, that I knew that my “mate wanted ad” needed tweaking. I was looking for a man to carry me to the Promise Land of wealth and security and couldn’t understand why I kept being dropped! Don’t get me wrong, all women should have standards, but if you’re going to set your bar high, you need to be able to reach that bar yourself. Once I started to work for, and achieve, the things I wanted in a man, I realized that I had become the person I was always looking for. I had become successful and accomplished and I didn’t need a man to get me where I wanted to go.
Today, I’m a fantastic catch and any man who steps to me has to have it going on because I have it going on. I can ask a lot, because I’m worth it.
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