Under the Hill - So, This is 30?

“They” say that 30 is the new 20.
I don’t know who “they” are, but I’m pretty sure it’s a bunch of people who, like me, woke up one day, realized that they were 30 and didn’t feel the least bit old.

I would say that 30 snuck on me, but I’d be lying. It was more like it jumped me from behind, clubbed me over the head and pulled me into its lair before I even had a chance to realize I was being stalked. How did this happen? Wasn’t I just 16? Didn’t I just turn 21?

When I was in eighth grade my teacher made us write an essay about where we saw ourselves at thirty. Don’t ask me why, I guess it was one of those ploys they use to try to get their pupils to focus and to think about where they were headed. At the time 30 seemed so old and I was convinced that I would have everything that a successful adult was supposed to acquire: husband, kids, house, big-time job. I was going to have it all.

Now here I am at THAT age and I don’t have any of those things and a dark cloud seems to be looming overhead. I am 30- years- old and what do I have to show for it? More importantly, why does turning 30 mean that I am suppose to have my life together. Who made up that rule? Did the fact that I am a 30- year- old woman who is still trying to figure out where my life is heading make me a loser? I am still young, I still have plenty of time to decide who I want to be, right?

I think that people my age fail to realize that becoming an adult just doesn’t happen over night. It’s a long process that takes your entire life. At 30 I’m just really beginning to own this process. I’m not young, but I’m not old either. It’s time to take control of my life and I can’t decide what is scarier, being over the hill or under it.

So, where exactly is this new chapter of life entitled “in my thirties” headed? I don’t know, but I can’t wait to find out.

till next week…